its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
