I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
