If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
