Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who died my cat blue again?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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