WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
