Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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