franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
