i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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