By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
