no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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