i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
