So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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