Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
