I got chris browned last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
