he thought i was a dude.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
