I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
