would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
