I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
