i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
