Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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