I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
