I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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