can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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