if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The adults are the big ones right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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