I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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