i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
