oh god was she eating orange peels again
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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