Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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