you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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