Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
FUCK WHALES
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
