ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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