can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
