ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
