My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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