My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
