hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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