some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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