Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
