i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
