Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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