Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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