You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
