I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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