My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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