I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
