My sheets look like a crime scene.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
