Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will die if light touches me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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