i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
