Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
