You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
