i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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