Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You pole danced in your parka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
