The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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