Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
