Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck appropriateness.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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