she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
