i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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