i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
