god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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