$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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