I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she peed on how many people?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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