Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
