I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
