I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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